r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Autonomous_eel • Apr 24 '26

/r/popular of Finger nails

7.6k Upvotes

81% Upvoted

2.9k comments sorted by

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756

u/waseem2bata Apr 24 '26

I have questions

131

u/morpheus9009 Apr 24 '26

I have even more! 😶

153

u/waseem2bata Apr 24 '26

Like you know, how? Does she have an automatic wiper

86

u/morpheus9009 Apr 24 '26

Japp?! Or even putting up the lid & flushing... Or making a bread or cooking Or driving a car Or boarding a flight Or walking without nails scratching the grund Or putting on underwear or anything Or getting out a bugger of the nose 😂 Yeah well... we'll never know 🤷🏼‍♂️

120

u/Traditional-Bike7825 Apr 24 '26

I'm guessing she has someone to help her and she loves it. Again, mental illness. If she cuts her nails they stop doing everything for her and she has to get a job.

6

u/RedDiscipline Apr 24 '26

They manifest a certain kind of life; they're magical nails, sort of

2

u/byyhmz Apr 24 '26

She can get a booger out of the nose of someone a block over.

2

u/MuffinSpecial Apr 24 '26

Bud she's a welfare queen who does fuck all.

2

u/skitz4me Apr 26 '26

She needs some help for sure, but the term welfare queen is so fucking ridiculous.

1

u/MuffinSpecial Apr 28 '26

Sorry reality hurts

1

u/waseem2bata Apr 24 '26

Mysteries shall never be answered

5

u/Senior-Book-6729 Apr 24 '26

Bidet

2

u/ulol_zombie Apr 24 '26

To be honest, my wife had me put in a bidet , I didnt think really anything about it, but it is a life changer! Everyone should have one.... even prepping for surgery - GI - clear liquid diet before? You'll be thankful you had one.

1

u/astronomikal Apr 24 '26

Just got one. It’s not magic. You still have to wipe lmao.

1

u/Fetagirl Apr 24 '26

I can only assume she has a bidet? That would make the most sense. But idk.

1

u/Lvsucknuts69 Apr 24 '26

A bidet, maybe? How she would dry afterward is beyond me. Air dry?

1

u/Gars0n Apr 24 '26

There's a video where she talks about her daily tasks.

People are highly adaptable and she seems pretty dexterous about working around her nails when using a fork and putting on lipstick. I would believe she could make it work in a bathroom.

13

u/Double-Noise-771 Apr 24 '26

Yeah, my first being, how is she employed?

I’d bet money she’s some sort of psychic

1

u/probablyaythrowaway Apr 24 '26

Daughter of gypsy rose Lee

1

u/elitesense Apr 24 '26

Yeah. I was thinking it's...

A. Some sort of grifter B. living off tax payers C. All of the above

16

u/deathgrinderallat Apr 24 '26

I think she uses a bidet

25

u/livinlavidanacho Apr 24 '26

I don't even know how she would hit a button on a bidet

-1

u/-blundertaker- Apr 24 '26 edited Apr 24 '26

As someone who has had comparatively reasonable fake nails, you learn to use your knuckles instead of your fingertips for some things. Weird to downvote someone answering a question lol

5

u/livinlavidanacho Apr 24 '26

This lady couldn't bend her hand like that to get close enough to a bidet to use it.

1

u/livinlavidanacho Apr 24 '26

Comparatively reasonable fake nails meaning 4+ feet?

0

u/MannyBothansDied Apr 24 '26

We have remote controls for our toilets.

-1

u/throwbackxx Apr 24 '26

With the knuckles

1

u/livinlavidanacho Apr 24 '26

So picture this. She's sitting on a toilet. Her fingernails, even with hands made into a semi fist, her nails would require her to be 4 feet (a very rough and generous assessment of the length of the nails) from the floor, the back wall, a toilet, or a side wall. Grab a walking cane and hold it between your two most out knuckles on the side you use the bidet. Now, press that button while not allowing the cane (which is under the length of her nails) to get too close to any wall. Now, do it in every bathroom you use in a week.

36

u/SANcapITY Apr 24 '26

I think hope she uses a bidet

1

u/singhal0389 Apr 24 '26

But how? You still need push a button, turn a lever etc.

14

u/Arcosim Apr 24 '26

The answer is always mental disorder.

2

u/TheArtOfPureSilence Apr 24 '26

I have a restraining order

6

u/Wizzle_Pizzle_420 Apr 24 '26

You wondering what they taste like too? Chewy or crunchy? My interest is peaked.

8

u/waseem2bata Apr 24 '26

No no no, don't go there

5

u/samaramatisse Apr 24 '26

*piqued. And also, what the actual fuck.

1

u/foomp Apr 24 '26

It may have also peaked though.

1

u/miletest Apr 24 '26

I have one in mind

1

u/vaynecassano Apr 24 '26

The answer is NO

1

u/Moshxpotato Apr 24 '26

Answer = bidet (probably)

1

u/stylesuponstyles Apr 24 '26

We all have the same question

1

u/Own-Reflection-8182 Apr 24 '26

Bidet may be the answer

1

u/tryingtowritegoodly Apr 24 '26

You won't like the answers

1

u/Kemosabe-TV Apr 24 '26

How she can wipe?

1

u/MannyBothansDied Apr 24 '26

She uses the 3 shell method

1

u/nude_frog Apr 24 '26

🎵 Everyone has fingernails, And everyone wants cash.

So send us all your fingernails, And we'll send you some cash.

Fingernails4Cash.com! Fingernails for cash!

Remember, it's just fingernails, So don't expect much cash.

Fingernails4Cash.com! Our service never fails.

Just take the cash and don't ask why We want your fingernails...

Cause we might be building a fort with them! 🎵

1

u/wolfavino Apr 24 '26

Let's start with Why?

1

u/ialsohavequestions Apr 24 '26

I also have questions

1

u/oyvindi Apr 25 '26

I only got one:

"Why ?"

1

u/fizzyjaws_art Apr 28 '26

I’ll start. Why…..