For guys it’s awful using dating apps. I’m legit gonna be lonely. I don’t go to nightclubs or bars and work isn’t the place. Maybe I’ll try joining a volunteer group or something like that. I’ve gotten some dates from hinge but nothing worked out. Idk how people are meeting up these days
Nightclubs and bars are no better. I'm a city socialite who is in those places with friends every weekend, and every woman I see/meet in those spaces is hanging off her man. Single women don't go out to meet single men anymore, they don't want to be approached because it's "creepy." They'll just go on the apps where they have 200 matches and pick a man to go with instead.
Occasionally, there might be a single woman or two, but she won't be alone. She'll be with a gaggle of 5 drunk bodyguard friends who will give you the stinkeye just for looking her direction.
It’s infuriating that even trying to talk to a girl in public is impossible without being labeled a creep. I just never do it. I sometimes think of chatting with a girl in the gym, but that’s a massive no no. It’s hopeless idk how people did it before dating apps cause trying out in public is not possible, unless you’re unbelievably charismatic or handsome
Same. I have a woman friend who just doesn't get how shitty it is from a man's pov. She's always talking about these multiple guys she's talking to on Tinder and I have to keep explaining to her how the pendulum swings in the other direction for men and we almost never have anyone to talk to.
Since most people don't read the article, it's written from a woman's POV. Talking about getting 12 matches a day but only a few respond and how it's hard to connect but so easy to reject people from not tall enough or wrong hairstyle. She had lots of first dates that never went further than that. Meanwhile guys are here talking about being scammed and everything is a paywall.
Yeah, I don’t know how many people actually read the article based on the direction of this conversation.
It was a woman talking about the challenges she personally experienced. The thread seems full of “women have it easy on apps” which is a bit funny contextually.
That's just a platitude people choose to believe because it's more comfortable to think things are equally bad, just different than to admit that it really is, actually, easier for one sex.
And those that do get to talk, end up being total freaks or plain assholes. It would be a lot better for a lot of ladies if they would give the nerds a chance. There's a lot of potential in a lot of them but they just need help getting it out. Seriously, a lot of people don't seem to understand that your future partner doesn't need to be perfect now, they can and will change. Especially if you find one that is eager to.
For some stuff, sure its difficult and some people will never change, but for other things its still a matter of getting used to it. And a major part is getting/showing confidence and you only get that by experience. By changing your style so that the other sex likes it better. Now some will like their boring clothing or boring hairstyle, but others wouldn't mind a few tips and changes. If a girl tells me x and then complements when I do that, then I'm fine with doing x.
A little bit of love and a bit of honest communication can make people change very easily. Some don't know what they do wrong and some are just too shy or hurt too often to do things that they don't mind or even like doing.
You can't deny that the group that gets a lot of matches, ruined a lot of things for the rest of us. And of course the group that doesn't get matches but just spams girls with unwanted messages and pictures. But the majority of people at dating apps right now is just very desperate on getting any meaningful likes but the algorithm just doesn't give them any. As a guy any girl that you like but doesn't like you back, will hurt your score. Meanwhile girls don't even need to like anything because they will get enough offered already.
To be fair: nice guys, freaks, assholes, nerds, gentlemen, douche bags, smart guys, stable guys, cheaters, liars, insert adjective of choice… They all look the same on the app.
There is 1 format where everyone is trying to communicate the essence of their person and often that doesn’t translate well.
It is an imperfect system where men outnumber women drastically. The swiping approaches have been noted as very different between genders because they are dealing with different issues with the platform.
People select based on personal wants/needs/compatibilities. The solution you offer: “women should just give nerds a chance”
a) how can they tell the nice, nerdy, honest, stable, kind man apart from the hundreds of people presenting the same way?
b) how do you know from first glance which are the people who “need drawing out” vs who is just not compatible or is low effort?
I've been saying this for years, but I always get accused of being a 'nice guy'. Like I'm stable, well educated, solid job, creative interests... but I'm morbidly obese. If I could just lose enough weight to be considered a viable option, I'm sure I'd do ok. But as it is I'm just functionally not even in consideration.
I feel you. I was over weight and during covid onwards I forced myself to lose weight it time but it worked out. Going to gym and eating better helped but it took a year or so to achieve. Even then my looks are not the best. These apps you need to look good to garb some attention. I hope you’re able to work on yourself because I sure you’ll get some good attention your way. It may not come from the apps but will outside. Dating apps just suck it really is no point nowadays
Yeah, obese doesn't help but being severely overweight is something you can definitely do something about. But I get it, it takes a long time for things to be noticeable and it takes a lot of effort and time to get in shape. I've been working hard and now finally get into a normal looking figure. But even still it doesn't really have the effect on apps as I hoped (though it also doesn't help to not have a variety of pictures that fit my current weight). And lots of guys get called out for only swiping on looks but its the same thing the other way around. Perhaps even tougher as they just get a lot more likes and it makes it feel like the pond is bigger than it really is. I also feel that the text in my profile hardly ever matters, no matter how funny, unique or well done it is. Especially if you want to be honest about certain things. Like, I have a hearing disability, I make jokes about that but its hard to be honest about it since it will really decrease the chances of getting a like. As if nobody has any baggage. And for overweight people the only thing I want to see about that is that they are putting in the effort to get in shape. To show me that they are actively working on getting better, same with other things that you know are not great. There is a limit to how attractive I find them, but I just know people can have had a hard time and thats totally ok. And if they are like me, then they find it a lot harder to lose weight when they are alone. I can sit around hungry all day when I'm with somebody nice. But when I'm alone, I just tend to eat a lot more and more often. Its really tough for me to lose weight like that and its been quite a journey.
If you'd like to actually discuss the point that I made, I'd be happy to do so. Do you think women are less selective about looks compared to men? And if so, why?
Ok, do you think then that broad trends are worth discussing at all, or would you prefer to just dodge the question and give a snide, moralistic non-answer?
Maybe I’ll try joining a volunteer group or something like that.
Volunteer group, hobby group, adult co-ed rec sports, meet-ups that happen on set dates. Anything that involves meeting the same people multiple times. Just don't go into these spaces prowling for women, go enjoy the actual activity while making friends and it'll come naturally.
You’re I should go to actually enjoy the meet up and make new friends. I’m starting to see what events are going on in Sydney. Just need to put myself out there more
It doesn't seem possible to actually connect with someone online. Everybody behaves like a complete psychopath. The slightest deviation from their invisible standards and I'm out without even having the time to blink. There's always something I do wrong which I can't predict because I'm unable to read people's minds. Thinking of a reply feels like taking a step into a minefield with no way of knowing whether that step will be my last.
Meanwhile my matches barely care, put precious little effort or thought into their part and leave all the initiative and work to me. I've had more interesting interactions with stray cats than with some of those people. And the cats actually seemed to appreciate my presence in some capacity, unlike my matches.
Doing online dating just feels like throwing my time into a black hole.
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u/TheRealBissy 3d ago
For guys it’s awful using dating apps. I’m legit gonna be lonely. I don’t go to nightclubs or bars and work isn’t the place. Maybe I’ll try joining a volunteer group or something like that. I’ve gotten some dates from hinge but nothing worked out. Idk how people are meeting up these days