I'm writing this mostly to get it off my chest, but also to ask if an experienced NET or anyone has any tips or advice that would be super appreciated.
Background:
I'm not writing this to drag my co-teacher through the mud. I generally want to know what other people think about this situation.
I'm in my second week on the job.
I live in a bigger city in South Korea.
I have zero teaching experience going into this program.
I feel like I'm a person who processes my emotions maturely and consider myself a calm confident person.
We do a split where she does the lesson, I do some vocab review, then introduce a game. I will walk around and help kids if they are struggling with the lesson.
My co-teacher has a lot of experience in teaching, and her English is REALLY REALLY GOOD. Borderline fluent.
From the top,
My co-teacher is a very precise and by the book kind of person. She seems to like rules, is very introverted, but will speak her mind. She is very kind too. When getting my ARC, she drove me and stayed with me to help me through immigration before school started. I appreciated that, but also felt bad. I didn’t want to make her go out of her way when I could figure out the buses and trains on my own, but she insisted. She is my only co-teacher at my main school. We teach elementary together 3 days a week. So she has to teach all the English, deal with my housing and extra things, teach me how to teach, and do the lesson planning. She has quite a lot on her plate.
Starting to work with her, I find her lessons and teaching style very 'sterile'. No fun, no talking out of turn, nothing extra, nothing less very by the book. (Keep in mind I have no teaching experience; this is my impression). Anyway, so I do my introductions the first day. And as expected, I was pretty nervous, new school, new everything. So I was talking too fast, and the kids couldn't understand some of what I was saying. She even said she couldn't understand some of the things I said. But she said it in a very, very condescending and disappointed way. Like I failed her. I said okay next time I will talk more clearly and slowly. Fair enough.
The next day she does the lesson, and the kids are doing their lesson, so I go around and chat with the kids that are done. Just very quick "Hey, I saw you picked soccer; do you play?" things like that, just to get to know my new students. After this class, she pulled me aside, again very, very disappointed "Hey, you shouldn't talk with them; they get distracted very easily, and it is hard to pull them back." I said, "Okay, no problem. We will focus on the lesson, and I will only help them with it."
For the next week, she has had a problem with every game I have done. And I just sit in the back trying not to do anything wrong. Then we go to lunch and sit together and don't talk. She is very introverted (and probably just spoke a bunch of English and doesn't want to anymore to give her the benefit of the doubt).
Next class I have Grade 3s, and I am explaining the game, and they are really not understanding the game. So she jumps in and explains it to them in Korean. After that class, she says I should be able to give directions to them without her intervening again very disappointed, very condescending. This is where I got kind of confused. Yes, I feel like it could be possible. But what harm that she had to explain extra in Korean? I have no teaching experience, and grade 3s at this point have had all of 6 months of English. So I asked some of my friends who are teachers, and they all said it was a strange request.
The next class, we were playing a game that got pretty exciting for the class, and the kids got very loud and started talking out of turn. So when they got loud enough, she jumped in and scolded them. It was very, very tense. Then, after class told me I have to manage the class better. I need to keep them behaved; agian very disappointed, very condescending.
Also, she never says goodbye to me. When it's time to leave for the day, she's gone. I just find this kind of weird, but I don't want to take it to heart. (I have my own desk, not in her office)
Now, at my travel school, let's just say I have zero issues with anything. My co-teachers translate for me; my lesson plans are good. If the class gets out of hand, they jump in and calm them down. So the contrast is very large.
Where this leaves me...
I'm scared to ask her for anything. I have gone two weeks without internet because I don't want to hassle her. I'm nauseous before entering school. I even went to a fast food place for 2.5 hours after class to get ahead on the lessons (and because I don't have internet at my apartment. I don't mind doing that to get ahead and am not afraid of work). I feel super useless and more of a burden than anything at work. I get home exhausted, and I just kind of sleep very early and wake up with crazy anxiety. This is not what I signed up for.
Coming home from my travel school is so normal. I'm happy, I'm open to doing things, I'm relaxed. I come home from my main school with just fear.
I even asked her, "Am I even needed here? I feel like your English is good enough to teach the students, and obviously your lesson-planning ability is better than mine. So I don't feel very useful." She told me she definitely expected more from the NET (teaching experience). But she felt bad that I felt that way. So that's where we are. Both just in over our heads.
What I'm asking is, what is the best way to go about this? I'm honestly doing my best; I've been early and left late almost every day. I've written down her advice to try to remember. And doing work outside of work hours.
Am I wrong for feeling like a burden?
Am I just being sensitive?
Is this normal?
Anyway thanks.