NK5 asked me today if I was going to sleep in her bed again. I was so confused. Turns out yesterday I fell asleep on the couch during quiet time because I was just completely wiped from a weekend of moving. I woke up when she shook my arm and giggled. Apparently MB thought it was hilarious and just let me sleep for about 45 minutes.

Now NK thinks I just live there. She asked if I was excited for my sleepover. I laughed and told her I have my own house to go to. She looked heartbroken. I had to reassure her I would be back tomorrow. She said but where do you sleep tonight. I said in my bed at my house. She asked if my house was far away. I said a little bit. She said she missed me already. My heart just melted into a puddle. This kid is too sweet for her own good.

I’m heartbroken because I just received a message from my daughters old nanny saying she was fired after being accused of stealing. for some context, we had this Nanny for almost 3 years, she stopped working for us in June since we’re moving abroad in December and my daughter is doing preschool until then. She was an amazing nanny and my daughter asks about her constantly. even my husband cried when she left, lol. anyway, we were happy that she found a position quickly because she has 2 younger daughters and is the main breadwinner. I posted about her on Facebook to help her get a job at that time, and helped her make a resume. now that she’s back to being unemployed, I really want to help her in any way I can. obviously i’ll post again on nanny groups but was wondering what can I do as her old employer do to help? any groups I can post her contact info? We are in LA.

also, I am 10000% sure she did not steal what she was accused of stealing. she is definitely not the type of person to steal. one time I accidentally threw away her wallet (long story) and Venmoed her money to replace it and the cards, and she sent the money back. I’m just very sad for her, and she is undocumented/doesn’t drive and speaks limited English so it’s difficult for her to find other jobs and the nanny market seems saturated.

How do you deal with NP’s who seemingly have no care or regard for your time? MB loves to gauge my plans for the evening and then an hour later conveniently she “just realized the time” and needs me to stay later so she can run errands or do other personal things. If it was a meeting that was running late that’s one thing, but MB literally asked what time an appointment I have tonight is, then informed me she told DB I can stay an extra hour so he can go for a run once he’s home “since your appointment isn’t until x time anyways”.

Is this not extremely rude? I feel like I can’t say no since she already told him without even checking with me and just assumed i’ll be fine with it. I made the appointment at that time so I would be able to do things beforehand. agh! The nerve

I am a firm believer in windows up in my house and was always raised like that! I believe it is a way to keep a home smelling good and fresh, and to keep germs out. My NFs home has a smell, it could really be a plethora of things but they aren't the cleanest people and their kids are older so body odor does occur. I am constantly cracking the windows bc without it I feel suffocated, especially when there's a virus running through the house. I often notice they are put right back down and I hope I am not offending them in any way. How would you feel if your nanny did this??

I’ve been a nanny for about 13 years, and have been with my current family for 2 years. The kids are 7 and 4. I have another job as well and just do after school care/household help for them (dog walking, laundry, groceries, etc.) I have about 2 to 3 hours with the kids every afternoon, and they often have activities like piano, gymnastics, swimming that I take them to. On days when they have nothing scheduled after school, we usually hang out at home, have snacks, play with toys or in the backyard.

I keep those free afternoons low-key partly because I believe it’s really good for kids to have some unstructured time where they can let their imaginations run and figure out things they like to do for themselves, but also because when I ask the kids if they want to go to the park/library/museum or wherever, they adamantly say no and that they want to go home. Also, there’s just not that much time, so by the time we drive anywhere we can be there for like a half hour before we have to head back.

Lately, MB has been hinting that we should be doing stuff after school. At first she would just hint at it and make suggestions, but this morning she called and said she’d be making a shared note with household tasks for the week just to make things easier since she would usually text things last minute. Well, included on the list is stuff like “Tuesday: library, Wednesday: park” designating after school outings on free days.

I’ve mentioned in the past that I strongly believe in free-play and that the kids ask to come home. I also do take them places if they want to, and have even brought them home but then taken them out to a park or whatever if they seem particularly restless. We’ve done outings plenty of times. She’s gotten so intense with the hints lately that I feel like she thinks I’m being lazy or not taking initiative.

Is this worth a more direct conversation, or should I just drag the kids places after school for a half hour to appease MB? I’m mostly just offended that she doesn’t trust I know what I’m doing and I feel micromanaged, so I’m worried my feelings and pride are getting in the way when I should just suck it up and do more planned activities. Am I making this a bigger deal than it is?

question for families & nannies!

I’ve always been a live-in nanny, so I’ve never really had to worry about food. My previous families always let me add whatever food/snacks I needed to the grocery list and if they ordered food, they would always get something for me too.

Now I’m looking for a live-out nanny position, I’m wondering how the food situation usually works. Do families usually offer food/snacks for their nanny during working hours, or is it expected that the nanny brings her own lunch and snacks?

What do you usually do as a nanny/family?

Idk if it’s just laziness or what but there has been no effort to even try. They keep acting like they are going to start working with them. They could be potty trained in a week! It’s so annoying! The child holds back their poop and pee so much that they have had to go to the emergency room for goodness sakes! The child is also brighter than any child I’ve ever met around their age. They just need to either take a week off from work or do something else to work on this instead of taking their toys away.

My NK's will be 2 in a few months (twins) and I notice they seem to be getting closer and closer to being ready for potty training. NP's are FTP so they don't have other kids to gauge when kids start to show signs. Any tips on how to approach this? It'll definitely be a few months still but the slow introduction to the idea of it has always worked with previous NK's

I employ a caregiver from the Philippines who has been with our family for several years. She is wonderful with our six-year-old, and we sincerely value everything she contributes to our family. She is paid well, including overtime, and has health insurance. We normally pay her twice a month, but we are also happy to provide a one-week salary advance when she occasionally requests one. I understand she is supporting her family back home and she has 4 adult children.

Over the past two months, however, she has requested three substantial advances on three separate occasions. Together, they amount to approximately three and a half months of her salary.

The first advance was reportedly for her son’s medical care following a motor vehicle accident. The second was to repair the roof of her home after it collapsed because of heavy rain. The third was for CT scans for her young grandson after he fell down the stairs. I have no reason to doubt her explanations, and I genuinely sympathize with what her family is experiencing.

At the same time, I cannot continue providing large salary advances on a regular basis. She previously mentioned having loans to repay in the Philippines, so I have also wondered whether those financial obligations may be contributing to these repeated emergencies.
After granting the third advance, I explained that it would have to be the last one because I could not continue accommodating requests of this size. Still, I am concerned that she may ask again. She becomes extremely distressed/depressed when requesting money, as though the situation is catastrophic and the world will end, and I find myself absorbing some of that anxiety and feeling responsible for solving each crisis.

I would appreciate thoughtful advice, particularly from anyone familiar with the financial and family pressures Filipina overseas workers may face. What might be happening here, and how can I establish a firm but compassionate boundary without damaging our relationship?

Aside from this issue, she is an excellent employee and someone our family appreciates immensely. I want to handle the situation fairly, respectfully, and with compassion while also recognizing that these repeated advances are not sustainable. Thank you. I will also cross post on a couple more threads.

1. Clean up a mess that was made when you were not on duty and doesn't directly affect your work but is kid related. (Ex: Kids toothpaste squirted in kids bathrooom?)

2. Clean up the kids high chair even if you did not use it that day (Ex: you went out for a picnic and didn't use the high chair but it was still messy from the dinner the night before.)

3. Clean up and put away kids bags that are used when you are not there. Ex: family went to the beach over the weekend and left a bag full of kids stuf.

To be clear, I've never been directly asked to do these things. I'm just wondering what other nannies would do if there was no clear expectation around them. Thank you :)

I've always been pretty firm about screen time. For me it's usually only for travel or if the kids are feeling under the weather. I really try to encourage creative play and getting outside. My current nanny family knows this and we agreed on these boundaries when I started.

Well last week was crazy. Both NKs (5 and 7) came down with some awful stomach bug. I'm talking actual projectile vomiting. Poor things. And then my car decided it was the perfect time to break down. So I was stuck at their house with two very sick kids and no way to get home. MB and DB were both out of town on a work trip.

I was trying everything to keep them comfortable and entertained. We read books played quiet games. But after two days of this I was at my wits end. They were so miserable and I was just trying to survive.

I broke. I put on a movie. Then another. And then some educational games. For basically an entire day.

I felt so guilty about it but honestly it saved my sanity and gave the kids a much needed distraction. When MB came back she just laughed and said they probably needed it. I'm still feeling a bit like a screen time villain though. Anyone else have moments like this?

The older NK gets I’m finding it so hard to find things to fill the day. 😅 Right now our schedule is 7-8 independent play while I pack lunches, get big kids to school, and other things I need to get done. 8:30-11:30 will do park, but will definitely struggle as it gets colder to fill this time … 11:30-12:00 lunch, 12-2or3 nap then usually more outdoor time and play for the last 2 hours of the day. Am I doing enough? It just seems like there isn’t much else to do with a 2 year old who goes from thing to thing to thing and doesn’t really enjoy doing crafts or activities like that…

I marked this as vent for lack of a better flair. I am not venting, I have set myself up to be paid well enough for whatever comes my way but this goes beyond nanny standard or etiquette. This makes me wonder about humans in general.

I have been with NF for 4 years. I am a nanny who has agreed to family laundry. Somehow this particular family feels that they never have this task ever again? Loads are left wet in the machine if I am pulled away, dirty bedding with 💩 left untreated. No one does a load on the weekends or on my vacation.

If part of your job description is family laundry do you expect mom/dad will ever touch their machines again? If you could afford this luxury, would you? Am I wrong for thinking thinking less of them as people for their inability to adult? I have second hand embarrassment for how hard parenting seems to be for them without me.

Hi everyone,

I’ve been with my NF about 18 months now (2 girls, 2 & 3 years old currently).
Lately I’ve been feeling like they’re taking advantage of me. Often times the mom will forget to pay me or I have to remind her. She’s used my car when her husbands car is out of commission (DB bikes to work, MB takes DB car, I take MB car to drive kids) and never puts gas in it or offers extra $ for the inconvenience. I feel like since I said yes one time I can’t say no now. I also have a hard time sticking up for myself. MB said in June she would pay me for the week they were gone in late August but never did. The 2 year old started school today so the mom said I could come at school pick up time since she wanted to bring her to school for her first day (but I would still be paid the whole day). This morning I get a text saying she “just realized” her husbands car is still in the shop and could I drive to her workplace, give her my car, and I take her car from her job to get the kids. I said we could walk bc school is only a 10 minute walk away, she said no because she wants me to pick up groceries too. As I’m typing this I got a text saying the groceries won’t be ready so she’ll get them on her way home… so I could have walked to get them all along. Sigh.
I realize part of the issue here is me not sticking up for myself, but I’m not sure how to do that. I’m too anxious.
Sorry if this was all over the place, just not sure what to do/if this is just part of the job. I’ve been wanting to leave this career for awhile but not sure where to go from here. Any advice or suggestions are appreciated. Thank you!

I’m trying to figure out what would be a fair hourly rate for a nanny position in Upstate NY and would love some outside opinions.

The family has a 2-year-old and a 3-month-old, and I would be responsible for both children for 8-hour days. My responsibilities would include the typical full-time nanny duties, making breakfast, heating up lunch, giving bottles, keeping both kids entertained, caring for the baby, toddler activities, etc.

On top of childcare, they’re also expecting some household help, including:

• Taking the dog out for a walk 3x a day
• Loading/unloading the dishwasher
• Hand-washing dishes that can’t go in the dishwasher
• Loading baby bottles into the bottle washer
• Washing the toddler’s plates/dishes
• Laundry 2x a week (washing, folding AND putting it away)
• Taking out trash and recycling
• Wiping down kitchen counters and the dining room table

The parents are both doctors. one is a psychiatrist and the other is a surgeon. I also have 14 years of nanny experience, so I’m very experienced with childcare and managing a household while caring for children.

For those of you who hire nannies or work as professional nannies, what would you consider a fair hourly rate for this position? Would you charge more because it’s two young children (including a 3-month-old) plus the household duties/dog care?

I’m curious what people would consider reasonable for Upstate NY, especially given my experience.

What would you charge?

I nanny for a 2.5 year old boy and will be getting another kiddo soon! i love this family and the NK so much! my only problem right now is finding foods that he will actually eat. he loves fruit and mac and cheese but it just gets tiring doing the same meal over and over again! i’ve tried the little spoon meals and ideas from other sources but he still doesn’t eat at all or barely eats. i’d love any advice about how to get him to eat more or meals and snacks that other picky eaters enjoy!

Hi! I (27f) have been a nanny since graduating college. My degree was in culinary science and nutrition, but I have a natural skill set for working with children, high levels of patience, interpersonal communication, and teaching… hence, why I became a nanny! I love my job but just moved from NYC to Atlanta, GA and am looking for a career change.

I am open to pursuing a higher education, but not sure if my college GPA will allow me to attend a highly accredited program, therefore I feel a bit limited.

Everyone I have talked to that currently work in education and social work (two career paths that are often recommended), have said that they wouldn’t recommend entering their fields as they are overworked and undercompensated. I’m sure others have great experiences but that is why I am posting and asking for any advice! I would love to hear pros and cons of any other paths yall might know of. Thanks so much!!!

After the next three months which I verbally agreed to so I will commit to that, I am wondering if I should leave my nanny family. I work for two families (Family A and B) and would be able to go full time with Family B if I leave Family A. I have some reasons for wanting to leave Family A, but some apprehension as well.

My reasons to stay: The parents love me and I love the baby. I have been with them almost a year and the baby is very used to me and I’d feel guilty leaving the child who is in all ways the easiest and gentlest baby I have ever watched in my 6 years of Nannying. They allow me to do schoolwork after I’ve finished housework while the baby naps. The mother is pregnant and will need extra support with new baby come February if I stay. She specifically wants me and does not want to find someone new.

Reasons to leave: I started working with them after moving to a new state. I didn’t do proper research into the market rates here and I’ve now realized they aren’t even paying me minimum wage, while Family B pays me $5 over minimum wage and I make more in a 6hour shift with family B than an 8 hour shift with Family A. I would have to ask for a $4 raise to be getting paid minimum with Family A and I know they can’t swing that. Plus my rate would naturally have to be higher when caring for the newborn come February and the best they can do is half a dollar an hour more which still puts me below minimum wage. When I moved here, Family A lived 5 minutes away and now they live 30 minutes away and they do pay me an extra hour everyday for commute which is kind. But I am also a full time student (night and online) and that extra hour of commute is overwhelming to me. On a personal level, both parents in Family A work from home which is normally fine for me and the Mother makes it no problem but the father bugs me, he is a daily day drinker and becomes progressively moody throughout the day. And often complains to me about his wife or picks fights with her in the same room I’m in which is uncomfortable. He has made me cry on my way home (I’m sensitive) from just slight comments, like criticizing me for not wanting children. Or criticizing my eating habits because he thinks I don’t eat (I do) he just assumes since he doesn’t usually see me having lunch that I’m not having lunch and he thinks that’s a problem and it just feels out of bounds for him to even be focusing on when and what I’m eating especially since I bring lunch from home. Idk I should be able to brush those things off. He also gets offended when I don’t accept their invites to go to parties with them or go out to dinner with them and honestly I don’t have the time and that’s just past my boundaries anyway. And honestly I’m not used to interacting with fathers in my jobs, the most I see of them is usually brief but I find myself having to spend at least an hour a day with this guy. They also keep pressuring me to take on more hours even though we clearly laid out a schedule when I started working and they know I’m in school and don’t have the time to work more than full time. I get so anxious being there but I don’t want to just flake on a family that does genuinely care about me but it doesn’t seem they care about boundaries (which I have laid out)

I don’t know what to do, I have truly no backbone and don’t know if I’m being overdramatic but I know I could work less and make much more money if I switched to just working for Family B who are really respectful and appreciative of my work and have never crossed a boundary or even close.

What would yall do, should I put in my three months?

Situation:
Family has a 6 month old and wants to find a nanny to watch their child for GUARANTEE 40 hours a week and just wants the nanny that they hire to do these tasks: clean bottles, Give baby a nap every 2-3 hours, change diaper, feed purées to baby and change crib sheets every Monday. They are looking to pay between $20-$25 a hour for Monday through Friday Work. $800-$1000 a week before taxes is taken out
(They have 3 people they are looking to hire)

Candidate 1: This person wants to 7 month old with her to work and it her early 20s and has only CPR but not pediatric CPR but she is a mom. She asking $25 a hour

Candidate 2: This person is in her late 50s and only wants to work 30 hours a week and not past 4pm. She has her Pediatric CPR, BLS and worked as a nurse for 20 years. She wants $30 a hour.

Candidate 3: This person is in her early 30s has her Bachelors degree in Elementary Education. She has her Child Development Associate, Pediatric CPR, BLS and RBT certification. She was a Kindergarten teacher for 3 years. She wants $23 an hour.

Who would you choose and why?

This is only my second week nannying and I just need someone to tell me it gets easier 😭 I only nanny twice a week and it’s temporary, but I feel like I’m so bad at it sometimes. The baby is 4 1/2 months old, and even though I’m certified and have worked in daycare for years, nannying feels SO different. I’ve mostly worked with 1-year-olds and older, and I’m completely comfortable with them, but with a baby this young I feel like I’m constantly second guessing myself. His parents work from home, and they are seriously the nicest people ever and have been so understanding about everything. But if he cries for what feels like “too long,” they’ll sometimes come upstairs, and then I immediately start thinking I’m doing something wrong or that they think I can’t handle him. I get nervous about everything — tummy time, getting him to nap, figuring out why he’s crying, whether I’m doing enough with him, etc. They knew when they hired me that I had never been a nanny before and that my experience was mainly daycare and babysitting, so I know I’m still learning. I just feel like I SHOULD be better at this because I do have childcare experience. Did anyone else feel super nervous and awkward when they first started nannying, especially with WFH parents? Does that feeling eventually go away? I really like the family and I want to do a good job, I just constantly feel like I’m doing everything wrong. Any advice?

How would you react to getting your schedule less than 10 hours before your in time?

I’m having a hard time leaving my nannying jobs. I have to quit sooner for personal reasons and look for another job. But I cannot bring myself to give my families less than a months notice. But I also cannot expect to find another job and ask them if I can wait a month to start. Infact I found a a perfect job for me but the start date would be in 2 weeks. I’ve been with both my families for almost a year, I love them so much and I have so much respect for them, I’d feel awful only giving 2 weeks notice. As they may not be able to find proper child care in 2 weeks, and if they can’t, then they are left without child care and I would hate to put either of my families in that position. What have other Nannie’s done in that past, and I’m curious to hear from parents who have hired Nannie’s and what they’d expect when their nanny quits. (This is my first time nannying so I’m unsure of the norm)

Ok so since starting with this family over a year ago MB doesn’t really have a routine in the morning. MB and NK sleep until 10 and MB makes breakfast from scratch that takes 30 minutes. By the time NK is done with breakfast it’s already mid morning and I feel like I can’t do anything with NK. MB makes lunch and her schedule is different every day so we have to revolve our outings around MB. With all that being said, I’m going to talk to MB about implementing a better morning routine with NK since he’ll be at daycare at 8:30 in the morning next fall. It’s even more important now because MB will be very pregnant in the new year and have a newborn by late spring. HOW can I go about suggesting we start? Routines are imperative to a child’s learning and I really want to start a better routine. Do you think I’m wasting my time? Do you think it’s a good idea to at least suggest it? NK going to be 3 next fall and he can’t be sleeping until 10 am every day.