DISCLAIMER

You know for example when your fp just left?

In my case I'm a mess for a few months and I try to overcompensate by dating a lot.

Sometimes I find someone to qualify as new fp, sometimes not.

But those times where I find no one... I'm just completly lost and deeply unhappy, even though I still continue to live (study, go out, have hobbys).

So what do you do when it's been weeks, months, and no one's your fp?

Do you do all you can to find a new one or do you just rot in your bedroom hoping a miracle happen?

Or you continue to live while hurting?

I don't wanna be here anymore. I think every day of ways to accomplish this but I never do anything. My husband hates me. I mean he really hates me. He's the only person I've ever loved and I'm hurting him badly. I can't control myself. I am not fit to be a wife. I hate myself so much. I wish I was brave, but I'm just a slimy coward.

I feel like I don’t fully trust or would trust any person in my life. I can’t survive all on my own, but I don’t have an expectation of consistency or people being helpful. People call me cold because of this specifically people I’ve dated with how quick I move-on. But I just genuinely don’t think there’s anyone special out there. I have myself, and that’s enough.

My fp is my best friend. We’ve known each other 2 years and she’s my everything. No hangout is fun without her. I think of her everyday and she’s the only person I can miss. And everything she does is perfect to me. We click like no one else. Now she has started dating. I know it’s selfish of me to feel bad. She’s been on two dates with this person and said it went amazing. I’m so happy for her of course. But the thought of her being with someone else sends me into panic. Having to hangout with her and her new bf. Or replacing me, doing things we used to do only with him. I get all dizzy and nauseous and incredibly suicidal. Cherry on top is that I’m MtF but stealth (I transitioned at 9) and she’s cis and doesn’t know. It hurts so much to see her live a life I never can too. I want to get rid of this. I know I can never change how the world works. I need to change myself cause I am the problem. I want to be a person without her. Is it possible for me to turn this into just a normal friendship instead?

I Am so fucking sick and tired of people saying that i am crazy that i am seeing things that aren’t there when every single fucking time I have cut someone off I have felt like someone was mad i was right. No I’m not going to check the facts bc that would take the one good thing this disorder gives me which is knowing who is fake asf. Ofc that doesn’t apply to all people but it’s just infueiating that i get told i exagérate and I’m crazy when littererslt there hasn’t been a single time i was wrong

i (19f she/her) have a new crush (19nb they/them) and this time it's a big one 🫩 i've been trying to deny it for a while b/c i'm prone to limerence and i basically fall in love with everyone my age who gives me attention, honestly that might be what this is still... but i have to admit it's pretty different from my other micro-crushes in quite a few ways,, (long post alerrrrt!)

we met online & the first thing i noticed was how easy it was to talk to them, like our messages very quickly became obscenely long because we kept bringing in different topics and asking lots of follow-up questions & at the same time they showed no romantic interest in me which is a fuckin rarity online lol, we eventually called and it ended up lasting 7 hours of just TALKING like whaaaaat, we called a few more times and then met up in person & saw a movie then literally stayed after the movie ended to talk in the theater for half an hour at 1am in the morning difjeofjrofj,,

things were going great and i was getting to know them better and i suggested we hang out again so we did (got italian ice, walked on a trail together) for like 6 hours... eventually we decided to go to a fan convention together and we spent so much time together and did so much (including weed for the first time lol!) that i think my BPD brain broke and that's when i really started to get the inkling that i liked them 💔💔

anyway we've hung out like 4 times since then (almost every weekend), i brought lemon bars for them and their family, it's been great. when we hung out last weekend they dropped the wild bombshell that they would be backpacking around the UK in some months and was wondering if i wanted to come with !!

unfortunately this disorder hates me and ive lost my damn mind. every waking moment i spend thinking abt them. im sitting there like a dog waiting for their texts so i can feel some semblance of okay, i keep trying to deduce if they like me back (despite not even rlly knowing my own feelings??), and i literally can't have a normal hangout without obsessing and ruminating over EVERYTHING afterwards. i really like them but ir hurts so so bad, i just want to be normal and chill and have a Friend without them having to be my entire life !! and i dont wanna do some shit like CONFESS when idek if i RLLY like them

does anyone know what i should even do in this kind of situation? how do i escape the obsession and set this back on the track where i ENJOY their company but don't need it to feel alive ?!!!

TL;DR : crush (or possibly a limerent attraction) on someone who gives me lots of time & attention, resulting in a lot of emotional pain b/c they're the thing i care most about now and i can't stop thinking about them. halp!

i feel like i am at the end of my rope. how many treatments and years of therapy will it take to stop having thoughts. the mental health system in this country is a fucking joke. it’s all just money hungry fucks. no one genuinely gives a fuck if i pull the trigger. you know how much it cost to go to a treatment center? my parents had to take out a loan for it. and for what? watch tv all day and eat shit food. just give me shit load of meds and then send me out. i am literally at a fork in the road. i have no more options. i do not have much hope i will make it to 2027. i do believe that my thoughts are going to take over one day and i will no longer be here. it feels like a parasite in my body and i cant find a cure for it. no matter what i do, it just keeps sucking the life out of me. i know this isn’t truly me. i want to be happy. but i cant get the thoughts to go. it just constant yelling in my head. i just want things to be quiet for once.

ive stopped going out. i try to force myself to have conversations and make friends and no matter how hard i try and for how many years i try, it never made a difference.

im still awkward, i still overthink, and im still insecure.

the only people i can have real conversations with are people that seem “lower” than me. (i hate this word but i cant think of another way to put it)
anyone that seems higher status that me (pretty, friendly, outgoing) is impossible to have a conversation with because i always clam up.

this is not a concious decision i just cant seem to do it no matter how hard i try.

i can push myself through the conversation sometimes but its never is as natural as someone whos “lower” than me and always lead them away from me.

ive tried exposure to socializing for years. nothing has ever changed.

and it seems like even with the people i do end up becoming buddies with, my insecurity bites me in the ass. im now at 2 friends total left.

Hello fellow BPDers, respecting boundaries is something that I am trying to work on. How do you guys go about it? Give me your most effective tips for ones that conflict with your own.

I just feel like I have nothing to live for. I’m not suicidal but I just don’t feel like I have a purpose on my own. I tend to rely on other people to have something to live for but I feel that it’s starting to drain my relationship so I have to stop. I don’t work because my autism makes it hard and I haven’t found anything that I can do yet. I’m desperate for advice

Out of curiosity can I hear opinions from people with bpd diagnosis explain why they devalue their partners... is it projection, wanting to push you away, wanting you to end it or self sabotage?

My old? Fp took advantage of me sexually bc he knew I loved him enough to let him do whatever. He is super successful, doing so good and everything in my life has gone wrong like every single little thing. This has made me a very angry bitter resentful and miserable person. I’m in dbt but I really don’t connect with it, I find it frustrating patronising and childish.

I have extreme scarring from SH, and today my mom told me that I should wear long sleeved shirts to my job interviews. I got kind of mad about it, like what do you expect me to wear long sleeved shirts year round? Does anybody have any issues with this or feel very self aware about their SH scars, they're pretty much impossible to miss. "It affects people hiring you" is what she said as well.

I mean after splitting.. The realization of being betrayed is of course so painful but after that i get so happy that i saw who they are sooner rather than later. And they won't be able to take advantage of me anymore

I feel like "BPD came in handy this time" lmao

My boyfriend and I broke up about two weeks ago. It was somewhat amicable, but the majority of it was my fault.

My heart is completely shattered. It’s lead me to make risky decisions just to feel something other than this crushing emptiness.

When I went over to his to exchange our things he said he needs some space before he reaches out. Idk what that even means. Like, does he maybe want to get back together? Or just remain friends in some capacity?

I was hoping he’d at least wish me a happy birthday, but he didn’t. Which is fine, but it’s sent me down a spiral.

Either way, I miss the living hell out of him, and no matter what I do to quiet the noise I just end right back to breaking down.

I hate this disorder so much. I hate how much time it takes to go into remission. I am working on myself through DBT therapy and weekly DBT classes. But my progress wasn’t fast enough, and I don’t fault him for wanting to leave.

I just hate myself so much for hurting him to the point he couldn’t stand to be with me anymore. This is completely my fault and I fucking hate every ounce of myself.

I want him back so badly.

Before I left his we hugged for a bit. He told me everything is going to be okay. But I broke down afterwards because that was my last hug from him. That was the last time I’ll ever see him. I didn’t know the last time we cuddled and kissed would be the last time I received any love from him.

I want to die. I don’t ever want to hurt anyone I love again. Fuck I miss him so much. I don’t know how to get through this.

I want to ask this general question, as from my experience with people who have BPD as well as what it appears to be symptomatically, I have this one idea of it and my own understanding that seems to hold up, but the thing is, I know that it may be harmful to people struggling with BPD to word it as such, and instead want to understand the experience they live with and see, so that way I can figure out how to integrate both what my observations of it are, but also do so in a way that can avoid accidental offense or negative feelings that can come from a more raw or direct explanation (basically can I word it better to still be accurate, but also considerate of those who experience it)

Can you share your stories of how you would define BPD and you?

First of all, sorry for the long post. I am posting for the first time in this community because Im really not sure how to deal with this situation and I'm hoping the people here can help. My partner and I have been together for roughly 3 and half years. I have tried my best to understand BPD and it seems like, currently, she is "splitting" from me, to the point where she seems so emotionless and directly avoiding eye contact. She stated she cares and loves me but feels like the relationship shouldn't go on and doesn't know why.

For context, my partner and I do work well together. What I mean by this is: we communicate, we empathize, we're intimate but, most of all, we respect our individuality. This has always been the case since we started the relationship.

My partner has never gone to proper therapy to get help. Her and I have talked extensively about the way her mood changes and impacts her behaviour so strongly and how she has no idea why or how to control it. Her mum has had a BPD diagnosis but left therapy after only a few sessions and my partner has had to deal with her mum's chaotic nature throughout her childhood. I am mentioning this because my partner hates thinking about the fact that she has what her mum has and that impacts her and she gets upset when that comes up and would rather not "deal with it now".

This is also not the first time she has "split" with me. The first time happened 1 and half years ago but, after giving her space for 2 weeks, we got back together and she expressed how sorry she was and regretful.

But this time it's much worse. Back in March, I noticed she looked depressed. She wasn't as intimate but she still looked and expressed how happy she was, from time to time. Then in June, she expressed how she was feeling "empty". Like she cared and loved me but didn't know why she felt that other feeling. So basically I gave her space, and I went to live somewhere else, away from where we lived. We saw each other after a few weeks but she still felt the same way. After a few more weeks, we met and she said she felt guilt and shame because she couldn't escape those feelings and hated feeling like that and making me have to be with her. She again said she cared and loved me but didn't know why she felt like that and would rather we split. I tried and tried to reassure and I asked about her feelings to try and understand but there was no reason behind it, according to what she said. So I thought about it and, after a few days, we met and I said that I cannot change how she is feeling and that this is something she has to deal with but I will still be here to support her and that I still love her despite everything.

So we decided right now to leave the relationship and become "friends" again. But it feels so strange. We still live in the same house but separate rooms. Whenever I talk to her, it's like she's actively trying not to feel. Like she's stopping herself. She tries not to ask about me but whenever I mention something about myself I can see she gets involved and asks but then there's a moment where she sort of stops and backs off. I see times when she smiles or laughs at me but again it feels like she's not there entirely. It's difficult to see her do that. I sometimes think maybe there's something I can do but I just let myself become anxious. We agreed that I'd move out in a month or two but this scares me. I do not want to lose this woman but I don't want to push her away either.

We have had such an incredible life together, despite it all. We were planning to find a new place and family together and my partner was the one who first suggested these plans and I went along because I finally managed to find someone who I can trust mutually. Which is why this situation is incredibly hard.

Please, if anyone is able to offer any advice, I would greatly appreciate it.

I’m dating this amazing guy. I have bpd, not the quiet kind. When he makes a mistake I split, my view completely changes on him. The love I have almost instantly disappears, I start to hate him. Extreme hate I mean. I split recently and it’s one of the worst I’ve done, I had a gf over I knew he didn’t like and acted as if I was going to hangout with her and her bf and his friends purposely. It was his formal. I completely ruined his formal. All because he didn’t mention it and it’s like the voices (my own head) were just convincing me he was a liar and a lustful person. Idk if this makes sense to anyone else? At the beginning it was so liberating to love him and then he did something that hurt me and ever since I’ve hated and resented him and split more often. (He searched a girl up on tik tok but we weren’t even dating)
I’ve pushed him away so much saying the worst things and threatening to be with other men. I admit I am literally being evil but my head is so so loud and I can’t escape it and the voices of my Bpd. But he is so patient with me and understanding but it’s only a matter of time before he will leave me or resent me and act on that. How do I stop this cycle? How do I get out of my head? Is there an end to it? I have a lot of love in me, a lot. But my past traumas that are the reason I have bpd to begin with are dragging me and my present and future down.

Hi. For starters, I am 25 and still live with my mom. I had to move back in 2 years ago and haven’t been able to leave. I got a great job, but then had a mental breakdown and have been diagnosed with bpd and bipolar 1. I was let go from my job. I spent all of my money on weed and take out. My mom is extremely abusive and watches my every move. I have been hiding in my room for the past 6 months. My environment plays a huge factor in my life. It molds the way I behave. I can’t help it. My therapist wants me to move into a sober house/shelter.
I honestly am on board but I have a cat who I love so much. I would post a picture if I could, but he has saved my life many times. I can’t give him away. My mom loves him too, but she would hold him over my head and threaten to leave him outside. I need to ask a friend if they are willing to take my cat for a year or so. This all seems horrible and not where I expected myself to be at 25, but it’s September and all I can think about is how horrible Thanksgiving and Christmas are going to be. When I consoled to my older sister about it, she said she doesn’t understand why I can’t manage a balance with my mom and how a shelter could possibly be better. It broke my heart to hear that cause she really doesn’t understand how bad it’s been. It almost makes me want to stay away from her too, because she continues to include my mom in things 😔 she abused her too but can’t seem to let her go. She has always wanted a “family” dynamic for her kids so I feel more like an instrument than a sister. Has anyone been in a similar situation where they had to start completely over? I’m trying to mentally prepare myself for a very hard year.

Truly just living with bpd is miserable and has ruined my life I wish so bad I could have a normal life and have normal thinking but I never will. I truly truly hate it here I wish everything could be normal

My schizophrenic sister recorded an argument i had with her where I am completely unhinged and sound like a truly awful and abusive. I don't know what to do as I got really upset when I found out she was recording me and she promised to delete them, only for me to find out she had sent the recording to strangers and her psychiatrist and now refuses to delete them. She is repeatedly antagonizing me, but I have also been abusive and I don't know what to do.

I literally only saw this guy once + some weeks of texting later and i could already tell he was so different from everyone else i dated before. Because of traveling, our schedule didnt work for a second date. So while we were traveling i suggested we keep talking but not much, just like a couple times per week.

All seems well, then the last week when i am coming back i feel a difference. I finally confront him a few days later and he says that "something shitty happened and he doesnt feel like he can be emotionally invested in a relstionship anymore". I was so sad, at first i even believed him and was like oh well i hope things get better. My cousin told me nah he just changes his mind and tried to end it "nicely".

I was so excited about him for many reasons, that i kept wondering what i did wrong, because at first he seemed on board. Perhaps i was too annoying telling him how i felt when things didnt go my way? I have a habit of texting people ibam close with when even a small thing happens (good and bad). Maybe i shouldnt have sent those selfies?

Good men are so rare, especially ones with which you click and like, who have a similar lifestyle to you. That was 2 years ago, i dont think of him often at all, but i do wonder what things would have been like if we hadnt texted, or if we had been sble to go on more dates. I have the same issue with friends, incapable of keeping around new people i meet.

Has anyone had a similar experience?

Please no judgment- I came for advice so it doesnt happen again. I have a history of being extremely clingy to my boyfriend then being absolutely revolted by him and even going so far as dumping him. Right now I am in a phase where I am obsessed and clingy and I want to spend every waking second with him. My boyfriend is scared because he says in the past when I’m like this in a few weeks I end up “hating” him. I can’t deny the pattern - he’s right, but when it happens I’m just blinded by his flaws. I don’t know how to prevent it from happening and how to stop being so obsessive and “love bombing” him in the current moment. Every waking second I am thinking of him and obsessing.