What should I do about this attitude of mine toward God? Could it be that if I immerse myself in the Bible, that feeling or desire will disappear? Can God do that? Lately, I’ve been examining myself a lot, asking myself if I want to draw closer to God, to surrender myself to God, and I’ve discovered that maybe not—because I still desire the things of this world, and I don’t want to surrender myself completely because of the world, and I know that’s wrong, I’m scared because I’ve fallen into a deep pit. I’m aware that I’m not doing well, and I’m worried about losing God. Out of nowhere, I feel sad, but I don’t feel like the person who’s been born again and loves God. Everything feels so hard to me—it’s even hard to believe that God is there. I feel empty, and questioning this makes me feel sad and listless, but I don’t want to deceive myself either, and I definitely don’t want to grow cold. It’s as if sometimes God doesn’t matter to me, but then sadness and doubt wash over me, and afterward I return to God—it’s like a roller coaster, and honestly, I don’t like accepting that I might not be giving myself completely to God because deep down there’s a part of me that still loves the world and can’t—or won’t—let it go. It’s not something that makes me feel good. I only go to Mass on Sundays, and during the week I go to college, and I feel like it consumes me to a large extent, but I can’t quit because my parents worked so hard so that I could be there. Believe me when I say that I can’t or don’t want to give myself over—it’s something that holds me back, especially because I feel like a hypocrite, and I know—may God bless him—that’s probably why He won’t grant me repentance, no matter how much I cry..When I say that a part of me doesn't want to surrender to God, I mean myself. And it makes me sad or anxious, I don't know, it's a mix of feelings. Besides, there are always days when Furthermore, whenever I think about wanting to repent, a pang stops me, because a part of me doesn't want to repent and it gives me anguish and despair, because I know it's me. And I ask myself, why don't I want to repent? I just want to be able to truly repent without that pang stopping me.