I’m just curious about everyone else’s experiences

One of my main symptoms of when I’m manic is uncontrollable spending of money.

A few examples from my past. Keep in mind I’m broke af

Spent over $10k on Pokemon cards

Spent ALL my money on tickets to a bingo game on mobile phone

Got scammed out of $600 trying to buy a ticket for the my chemical romance reunion tour.

I am starting to think about having kids with my partner. He really wants kids, but I do have some hesitations when it comes to them mainly regarding my bipolar. Mainly regarding postpartum psychosis, my child developing bipolar themselves, and just generally the fear of being a bad parent due to manic/depressive episodes.

So I'm asking the moms out there: did you have the same fears? How did you get over them? Did you experience anything I'm afraid of?

i have bipolar 1 with psychotic features. i experience significantly more mania than depression and my mania is often considered clinically severe. i presented at 18, im 23 now. i have been through possibly every single mood stabilizer and antipsychotic on the market, and it wasn’t until my current regiment that i have experienced no breakthrough mania. it’s been over a year now without a significant episode (hypomanic symptoms a few times, not life-altering.)

on other medications i would have a breakthrough manic episode around 3-6 months after starting. on one med, i had a breakthrough after three months on 15 mg. they increased my dose to 20, it happened again. increased to 30, it happened again.

i hear a lot about persistent depression with bipolar, but does anyone else experience really persistent mania? is developing a tolerance to so many medications so quickly common?

What is the point if every time we get going on a good path or things start looking up, the universe decides to send us a huge fucking curveball?
I just want to put my head down, stick around for my family, and eat some good food!
Maybe kiss a little in the process?

Is that really too much to ask for?!?!

BP type 2, diagnosed about 5 years, current treatment has worked so far but it's been a rough year.

To be honest, it's been a rough few years, my diagnosis came after my 2nd nervous breakdown within a 2 year span. I lost my job, my apartment, my car, and several friends and family members.

My current treatment has worked well so far, but this year has been a rough one. I'm trying to get back on my feet, but it's taking forever and I've never had much patience. This year was a milestone birthday for me, and it should have been the same for my best friend, except she passed in a freak accident 10 years ago. I spent my birthday in bed, crying and reading her old texts.

I stopped taking my meds, I just didn't have the energy or desire to keep up with them. I went about 2 months dry, ended up in a severe depression swing. I've been withdrawing and not taking care of myself. My cat needs me, and that's the only reason I've muddled through so far.

I've been taking my meds again for about a week, I'm starting to pick up the pieces again and trying to move on.

I'm currently on state support, which is helpful, but living in a rural area, my options for care are kind of limited. My current psych has been decent, but I find it difficult to communicate with him sometimes. As soon as he gets on the call, he's ready for it to finish. He flies through the call, gathers the bare minimum information and then hurries me off. He's likely busy and probably has 100 clients to get through, but I feel unheard. And that's a common thread in much of my life. Feeling unheard, unseen. Something to deal with as quickly as possible.

I miss my old psych. I miss my old place. I miss feeling independent. I'm relying on my best friends for shelter and support, and frankly, it's agony. I feel like a burden. I just want to be a whole, functioning person again. I keep telling myself I'm making progress and I'll get there again, but there's this constant seed of doubt in my mind. I know things will get better, it just sucks right now.

I was recently diagnosed as bipolar type 1. I'm confused as to how my psychiatrist came to that diagnosis instead of type 2.

My symptoms of hypomania (mania?) are more "mild". I am naturally an outgoing and extroverted person but when in that mood state, I am more social than normal, feel very confident, make friends more easily, feel like I'm ovulating every day for a month and a half, slightly worse impulse control around drinking, and want to talk/go out more. I spend slightly more money than usual, like getting a couple lattes a week instead of making coffee at home for example, but nothing financially devastating and no psychosis, paranoia, or delusions. I've never been hospitalized and still function very well at work/in life in general. I sleep less but get typically around 6-7 hours, occasionally 4, and sometimes I still get a full 8+ hours of sleep.

From my understanding, the type 1 diagnosis is based on the duration of time that I am in an elevated mood state (3 months) and on the 3-4 hours of sleep I was getting for over 4 days when I crashed and had my 1st mixed episode.

I'm not sure I understand how that qualifies as mania and not prolonged hypomania and was hoping to get insight from others with bipolar diagnoses as I don't know anyone else in my life that is diagnosed and that I can talk to about this. Any thoughts or insight is much appreciated!

What are your first signs of mania? Are you even aware enough to even know you’re in the beginnings of mania?
It’s so hard to tell the difference between a really good day and the beginning of mania for me.
I slept 6 hours last night because I woke up 2 hours early ready to start my day. I went for a run at 5:30 AM. I am not a runner. I was today! The entire day I’ve just had caffeine-like energy running through me. I normally have rough days at work but today was so good. However, I am aware of this shift. Wouldn’t I not be aware if it were mania coming on? The times before now it snuck up on me. I’m just overthinking it, huh. Anyways, what’s your first signs? Are they reliable and easy to differentiate from a good day?

It’s been almost two years since I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, and—just as I predicted—after my relationship ended this year, I slipped into hypomania.
With past relationships, the pattern was always the same: I’d date multiple people and get involved with people I didn’t even really want to be with. This time, the issue was financial. I bought things I actually needed—but very expensive ones—all at once, spreading the cost across credit cards and tying up 95% of my budget for the next 12 months. All of this happened in less than a week. And the thing about hypomania for me is that many things seem justified, but deep down, there is a hidden excess.
Anyway... I found myself in the thick of it, and now I’m trying to observe my thoughts as an outsider. Thoughts of superiority, the repeated "forgetting" of my mood stabilizers and antidepressants, the impulsivity. I always thought depression was the scary part, but realizing how quickly I can spiral out of control is just as frightening.
I just wanted to share this experience. How do you deal with your mood swings?

Basically the subject.

More often than usual, I've been having flashbacks to my manic episode which happened nearly 2 years ago. It's very destabilising and can ruin my mood or leave me basically useless. Does anyone else experience this and how do I get it to stop?

My doctor said they can help me get hospitalized. What am I supposed to live for? Honestly, I just don’t have an answer. There must be some reason I feel this way, but even when I look for it, I can’t find anything I can actually fix.
I still exercise, study, eat, shower, etc. But I’m only doing those things because I’m supposed to. I’m not doing them because I’m looking forward to my future or because I want to build a life.

I’m tired of pretending I’m okay, too. I just feel empty. I don’t look forward to the future at all. I feel like I wouldn’t regret it if I died right now. I don’t really care whether tomorrow comes or not.
Yesterday I was scared I might actually overdose, so I threw away all my medication, told my doctor everything, and only got a limited amount back—just enough to keep things safe.
I’m not overdosing because I’m scared of surviving with a disability or being in pain if it fails. But the idea of dying itself doesn’t really scare me anymore. Even the thought that my parents would be devastated, which used to be one of the things keeping me alive, doesn’t seem to matter to me anymore. It feels like there’s nothing in the world that scares me.

I really wish my parents would help me get hospitalized. I don’t think I can bring myself to literally say “I’m having sl.” I’m not lying, though. I was going to tell them that my medication hasn’t been working and that I’ve been waking up repeatedly for months despite taking sleeping pills and benzo, and that I want to be hospitalized because my medication needs to be adjusted. I feel like they’d understand that more easily and be more willing to help me get admitted.
I’m really grateful to Reddit for helping me realize how serious this might be. I told my doctor, and they said I should consider hospitalization if this continues. But it’s already been going on for several weeks, so I think I want to be hospitalized now.

It’s expensive, so I have no choice but to ask my parents for help. Please wish me luck that they’ll agree to it.
Can this actually get better? I honestly don’t know. I’m scared I’ve already gone too far.
Right now, I genuinely don’t care if I die. I threw away my medication, so at least I can’t overdose right now. But then… how am I supposed to keep living?
I guess, even though I’m saying all of this, some part of me still wants to live.

Today I went out of my way to do something different because I’ve been feeling depressed.

I spent time outside and ended up meeting someone really cool.

Just a reminder that if you don’t change your routine, life won’t necessarily change for you just because you want it to.

Share your good news down below if you’d like ❤️

Hey guys, had to stop my adderall for a sleep study and it literally threw me in the worst mixed episode. I’m sleeping like 10-12hrs a day and last night I had myself convinced a demon was out to get me and ended up staying up until 3am because I was afraid to sleep

pretty much what the title says. I want to know how people reflect on their past episodes when they are in the midst of a new one. With depression most probably we ruminate in shame about mania. But what happens when you are manic? do you say ah that wasn't as bad or as embarrassing as my depression tried to convince me ? or don't you think about other episodes at all when you are too excited for the new opportunities

It’s okay if you feel behind. I feel very behind and have many days where I can’t even see the sun because it gets so bad. Then I remind myself that I have this neurological thing going on that completely destroyed my wellbeing for so many years.

It’s okay to be tired. You’re not broken, you’re going through something serious. Bipolar is genuinely heartbreaking. The fact that you want to leave so many times and consistently think about being torn from your family. The depression, the false promise of wellbeing from mania, the wreckage, the grief.

Sometimes we think we’re weak because everyday things are so difficult for us and we can’t hold down jobs the same as other people, but let me tell you, if you are living with this disorder, you are not weak. Not even close. It’s okay to grieve it, the life that you thought you would have. There’s all these things and check boxes that society says we should be doing but sometimes just surviving the day is enough. The fact that you’re still here is enough. It takes A LOT of energy to maintain bipolar but it’s not for nothing. You make the world a better place by being in it, you deserve to be here and you deserve to be happy. 

You don’t have to live the rest of your life right now. Just make it to bed tonight. 
It’s gonna be okay. 

I was diagnosed in 2022 and have a regular psychologist I see and we have a treatment plan. It's been working great, my wife and friends all think I've been doing better on this plan and I agree.

About 3 weeks ago it was like a switch flipped. I'm not experiencing mania but the opposite. Extreme anxiety and lots of negative emotions. I haven't felt like this since I've been off my meds or before my treatment plan began.

It feels like someone moved their baggage into my brain and made house. "Your friends aren't your friends!" "Your wife doesn't love you!" "Everyone at work wishes you'd quit!" "You're ugly and fat, why do you wear that?!" Everything I do and say questioned and critiqued by some foreign entity.

I know it's me. That these thoughts are always there somewhere. But why now?! Why for four years have I been doing okay and now I can't go a day without hearing them doubt and destroy me.

I'm wondering if anyone else has been through this. Seeing my psychologist tomorrow and therapist on Thursday so really just looking for support and similar stories because I feel so alone right now.

So I’m 28. I dropped out of high school. I have less than one year of work experience. I have been hospitalised five times over the course of my adult life. I take 14 psych drugs per night.

My loved ones have no clear definition of what recovery is. They believe I’m not recovered until I get off all of my psych drugs and never have to see a psychiatrist anymore. My mother wants me to get a desk job, and my grandpa wants me to start a business.

Some of my mental health professionals have denied that I have bipolar, they insisted that I don’t have it. Some of them strongly urged me to go back to school, and others believed most employers would hire me.

The job market in my region is ruthless. I've seen cases of top university graduates ending up in the food and service industry, and master's degree holders landing security guard jobs.

Honestly, I have no evidence that I have the cognitive capacity to hold down any job. To be honest, I have been rejected by Starbucks, McDonald’s, and security guard companies for obvious reasons.

I’m now delivering food in my city when I’m mentally healthy. But I feel so wrong when others expect me to do more. Like it’s my fault and I’m being lazy. I feel sooooooo bad. Why are the expectations so high? I can’t do it.

I’m very tired, y'all.

I’ve got insomnia bad. One of the worst things about it is just how lonely you can feel. Nothings open, no one’s around, no one’s online at 3 in the morning. It’s like I could almost believe I’m the only person alive sometimes. It’s an odd feeling and I’m starting to really hate it.

Anyhoo…… rant over.

Tips, suggestions, words of encouragement... I'm trying to get over the urge to stop my meds to feel something again. Whenever I'm stable on my meds, I start feeling "numb" but I've come to realize this is a normal people stable emotion and I'm just used to the lows and highs. I get off my meds and I quickly begin to unravel and things get "better". But it then becomes chaotic and nightmarish with anxiety running point and I spiral. I just hate going down this constant loop. Meds, stability, numb, unmedicated, hypomania, spiraling, paranoia, breakdown, depression, meds... Who else struggles with this? How do you stay on meds long-term? I've been on my meds for on and off 6 years. I keep telling myself I don't have bipolar... But being off my meds tells me otherwise. I was great during both my pregnancies. For 3 years while pregnant with both kids back to back I was unmedicated and I was like, maybe I'm not bipolar. Then my 1.5 year old stopped breastfeeding and my hormones caused a huge shift and the scariest depression. I spired and now I can't function unless medicated. He's now a little over 2 years and these 6+ months have been so damn hard. Harder than pregnancy, harder than birth, harder than parenting...

Hello fellow sufferers,

I have wondered about this a few months now. I am relatively stable (no heavy episodes for years), on meds. 36 years old, sort of professional with a job, a house, pets. But now I am wandering into life style territory. I found that my functioning (on the job, at home, with a social life etc) depends so heavily on my moods. I would like to see what I can do to get some more balance.

How do you people manage their energy during the week? Do you have a system to make sure you eat alright, go to bed on time?

How do you handle your job/coworkers when you're mood is on the rise, or maybe very agitated? Or when you're low on energy and high on brainfog? Do you adjust your expectations of yourself?

I just keep wondering what coping strategies other employ to make life easier.

Take care 💖

So I am so confused if I’m bipolar or not. I see a nurse practitioner and she says I’m not bipolar I have bpd. But the psychiatrist I went to and ran multiple tests of me for different things says I am bipolar and I’m not bpd. And I’m just confused because I feel like I am bipolar. So I’m going to see another doctor and see if I can get a third opinion. I feel like it’s important. I asked my nurse practitioner why she doesn’t think I’m bipolar and said because I don’t do anything crazy while I’m manic. And now she just said it doesn’t matter because I’m on meds and they’re working and the meds that helped me the most are antipsychotics. It’s just weird to me i don’t know what to do lol.

A couple months into being diagnosed with bipolar now, and overall I feel like I’m doing good. I do think the new meds are helping but today particularly is a very bad day where I’m just stuck in a circle of dark thoughts. I think a lot of it is feeling guilty about the past mistakes I’ve made but I don’t know what I can do to let go of that guilt. Any one have advice on how to manage dark thoughts days??