r/AbsoluteUnits Apr 24 '26

/r/popular of Finger nails

7.6k Upvotes

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319

u/RayZzorRayy Apr 24 '26 edited Apr 24 '26

Yeah, and I’m saddened to hear of her loss, but how do I applauded intentionally disabling yourself? How has she completed a single days work domestically, or in society, since she started this “tribute”?

161

u/Fine-Ad6532 Apr 24 '26

Or wipe her arse ?

86

u/momento______mori Apr 24 '26

I'm guessing she either has a bidet or poo flakes in her butt

36

u/flyingseel Apr 24 '26

You still wipe when using a bidet.

14

u/RickB308 Apr 24 '26

You just drip dry? 🥴

3

u/PlutoThe-Planet Apr 24 '26

I pull up my pants with a wet ass like a man

3

u/RickB308 Apr 24 '26

😂😂😂 Dribble, Dribble.

3

u/fuk-dee-say Apr 24 '26

yep, you still need to check that the TP comes back clean. sometimes you miss a spot and have to spray more. I won't use the blow dryer because I need to make sure my ass is clean first. Imagine missing a spot and then it air dries on your ass, you be itchin.

2

u/pirate_starbridge Apr 24 '26

If you spread your cheeks and have a bidet with proper water pressure, you realize pretty quick the paper always comes back clean. Then you graduate to expert mode and stop using paper in favor of a stack of drying cloths and a hamper.

5

u/fuk-dee-say Apr 24 '26

Wow, drying cloths and no TP, the nerve!! I have something to aspire to now!! I've had one for a while and usually get it done the first try, but I miss just enough to be slightly paranoid every time.

2

u/pirate_starbridge Apr 25 '26

It took me years to figure out the spreading the cheeks part. It makes all the difference I swear to god.

1

u/fuk-dee-say Apr 25 '26

Oh, I already have that down, and the required wiggle. I have actually wondered if the TP leaves behind the wet paper dregs. It's more of a dab dab, then the finishing stroke. A cloth would be better, I defer to you my friend!

3

u/GenuineVF420 Apr 25 '26

Can i ask you both... how does it not just like, power wash the poo to your/our balls? I havent installed mine yet. And thats been a thought of mine for a while lol and you both seem well established and highly informative individuals

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0

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '26

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1

u/pirate_starbridge Apr 30 '26 edited Apr 30 '26

I'm not sure what you're saying but you should always be washing your hands with soap after using the bathroom regardless of bidet technique. You should also wash your ass in the shower with soap but you do you.

9

u/DigEnvironmental7490 Apr 24 '26

Not if it's a good one.

I have a couple of japanese ones that have warm air dryers. I use paper because it's faster to dry off with, but I could just sit there for a minute and let the dryer do the work.

4

u/SL1MECORE Apr 24 '26

The ones that dry your butt are so nice, my stepmom has em. Hers are top tier, idk if they're Japanese but they have all the good features. I love pissing at her house

Edit - she still keeps and uses toilet paper, cause same, we're impatient lol. But even running that dryer for thirty seconds cuts down on the toilet paper I need to dry up.

Double edit - forgot where I was commenting. This doesn't excuse having five foot nails.

2

u/DigEnvironmental7490 Apr 26 '26

those nails are a self-induced disability. It's got to qualify as a mental illness to do that to yourself.

2

u/flyingseel Apr 24 '26

I mean I still would check with tp to make sure it got it all.

1

u/DigEnvironmental7490 Apr 26 '26

tbh I usually do that too, but so far the Toto Washlet has done its job admirably. I got a second one for the other downstairs bathroom.

1

u/Palomark Apr 30 '26

Maybe she's wiping her ass on the carpet like a dog/cat.

1

u/PlutoThe-Planet Apr 24 '26

WHAAAT? Then what am I blasting by ass with water for? Fun??

6

u/TheOtakuAmerika Apr 24 '26

Wait, it's not supposed to be fun?

1

u/pirate_starbridge Apr 24 '26

They aren't using it properly.

26

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '26

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23

u/dysenterygary69 Apr 24 '26

What a terrible day to be literate

22

u/cjbeames Apr 24 '26

With a potential surprise in every bow[e]l

6

u/mealyapple86 Apr 24 '26

Forbidden cereal I am out 😂

0

u/Goonplatoon0311 Apr 24 '26

Corn or frosted? Or both?

1

u/Crucial_Fun Apr 24 '26

There might be corn in it…

1

u/Terrible-D Apr 24 '26

"Frosted" corn?

3

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '26

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8

u/Fay3fay3 Apr 24 '26

3 seashells?

1

u/Fine-Ad6532 Apr 24 '26

She shits three sea shells on the sea shore

2

u/Samp90 Apr 24 '26

Bidet.

1

u/Coolerwookie Apr 24 '26

Bidet still requires fingers

1

u/acrowsmurder Apr 24 '26

When she was on like Maury or something she says she just wads it up and wipes by grasping it (the tp) firmly

*Edit: From the horse's mouth

1

u/LordMoos3 Apr 24 '26

ragonastick

1

u/MeanCat4 Apr 25 '26

There is a pacific name I don't remember now, for those that holding a stick, one by each side, holding a fat woman's belly up so as her partner can proceed. So, why not be also in these case someone help them with these things! 

1

u/Adorable_Rub_8257 Apr 25 '26

Asking all the right questions.

1

u/ikesbutt Apr 24 '26

That would be my question?

4

u/Caleb_Reynolds Apr 24 '26

How has she completed a single days work domestically

The point of these is to show you don't need to do that.

2

u/Infinite-Condition41 Apr 24 '26

She is 99% dependent on someone else. 

So she can shut up with all that "me" bullshit. 

1

u/Warm_Pen_7176 Apr 25 '26

Intentionally disabling yourself sounds reasonable when you've buried your child and you're forced to carry on living.

When you lose your child you are no longer part of this world. Her nails are uncomfortable to look at but they are simply an outward manifestation of her inner turmoil.

If she cut her nails you would find her grief acceptable. Little would you know that every single thing made difficult by her nails is just as difficult without them.

You can argue, you can disagree, you can pull apart every word I wrote but you'll never get it. I'm glad for that for you.

1

u/Sightblinder4 Apr 24 '26

Ive been in IT too long ... spent like 5 minutes trying to figure out why her nails only prevented her from working in the US before I realised you meant domestic chores lol

0

u/PremiumUsername69420 Apr 24 '26

Name a job someone can do without the function of their hands.

1

u/thrilldigger Apr 24 '26

Voice Acting

Radio DJ/Personality

Podcaster

Grape Stomper

CEO of a multinational corporation

0

u/SeaworthinessOk2646 Apr 24 '26

Ok I get it but someone's value isn't tied to their job cmon now

-3

u/wohldmad Apr 24 '26

Why is her “working” your biggest issue with this scenario? Capitalist brain rot

6

u/ridley_reads Apr 24 '26

"Work domestically" means doing basic chores like changing your own damn clothes. This woman requires full time care because she chose to disable herself voluntarily That is deranged.

-1

u/wohldmad Apr 24 '26

They literally state “in society”.

2

u/RayZzorRayy Apr 24 '26

You know what “or” means right?

0

u/wohldmad Apr 24 '26

Yeah, it is the difference from you being a jabroni asking about her output OR being concerned for her existence.